My maternal grandmother, meaning my mother's mother.
It was really weird cause I haven't thought much about her since her death about 2 years ago.
I think more about my grandfather more than I do of her.
I didn't have a really good relationship with her whilst she was still alive and the sad thing is, I don't regret that. There were just too many things in between us.
Plus she played favourites, and I obviously wasn't her favourite. Nowhere close to that.
So yes, we had some sort of a strained relationship.
I was just any other grandchild, and she was just my mother's mother who so happened to live in the same house as I did.
She got Alzheimers and Parkinsons before she died, so she couldn't walk and was losing her memory and sometimes, her mind.
She began living in the past and started seeing things that weren't there.
It really was a sad ending to her life and when she passed on, I think it was better for her cause she was released from all the pain and suffering she had gone through her whole life.
On the other hand, I had a close but brief relationship with my grandfather cause he died young, and I was young as well.
Eventhough my grandma outlived him by many years, memories with my grandfather are those that are the most vivid and treasured by me.
Many times I wish he didn't die. I wish he had lived longer so that I could do so many things I wish I could with him. Like, drive him to his favourite makan place and have a meal with him.
Introduce EngHuat to him, cause I'm sure they would get along. So many things.
He had the best character in this world.
So yes, I dreamt of my amah.
It was a really odd dream. We were at her house, the one she lived in with my grandfather when he was alive as well as the house where my mum grew up in.
I was having a conversation with her. She was asking me how everyone in the family was.
And by asking I don't mean generally. She actually named one by one and asked how each and every one of them was and I told her how and what they were doing now.
Then she asked me if I had a boyfriend yet, and I said yes, and I showed her a picture of EngHuat.
She was happy and approved of him. She said he looked like a nice boy and I would have a good future with him. She told me not to worry about my future.
Then she said that I will face problems sooner or later but don't let that bring me down cause I will be happy in the end of the day.
Then she told me to take care of everyone back home and that she loves and misses everyone very much.
Then I woke up.
The weird part of the dream was..my grandmother was smiling. She was happy and seemed peaceful.
She wasn't like that in real life.
Her life was so sad and tragic that even when she smiled, it always looked so depressed.
She wasn't a happy woman.
Yet in the dream, she seemed so different. The complete opposite.
If any of my dream was true, I'm glad that she is happier wherever she may be now.
In the dream, I was happy to be talking to her too.
I kind of regret not having more conversations with her when she was alive.
I think I have finally come to terms with my grandma and forgiven her for everything that went wrong.
I think we both have forgiven each other.
Rest in peace Amah. I'm sorry I wasn't a better granddaughter when you were alive.
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